


Something I Can Never Have

by PinkSparkleUnicorn



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: Drama, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-30
Packaged: 2019-06-14 02:12:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15378447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkSparkleUnicorn/pseuds/PinkSparkleUnicorn
Summary: Nathan and Duke get caught in a Trouble. Set between Magic Hour and Thanks for the Memories





	1. Chapter 1

Troubles can be hard to deal with, especially troubles involving children. Today was no different.  Apparently a troubled five year old thought it would be a good idea to play cops and robbers. Unfortunately, he didn’t realize or understand that the harmless childhood game had come to life and was causing havoc all over Haven. The only upside of this trouble, if you could call it that, was the cops and robbers weren’t real. Oh, they had guns and could cause real damage but they weren’t actual citizens of Haven just manifestations of the trouble. 

 

Nathan radioed the station where Dwight was safely out of the line of fire. “Do we have an estimate of how many we are dealing with?”

 

“Close to sixty spread out all over town. But they seem to be multiplying. We already have some minor casualties. How’s Audrey coming with the kid?

Nathan sighed. “Not good. He doesn’t understand and his mother has no idea how to stop it. Wasn't her family’s trouble. Husband died last week. She’s trying to reach her brother-in-law up in Bangor.”

 

Dwight cursed softly. “We’ll just have to keep this contained as best we can. Where are you and Duke?”

 

“Heading out to a sighting up at an abandoned house on Marston Road. It shouldn’t be too bad. Only three or four robbers,” Nathan replied starting up the Bronco.

 

“Be careful and don’t forget to check in,” Dwight replied.

 

When they reached the house it was clear that the reports were actually underestimated. There were close to ten armed men on the street. From what Duke and Nathan could see they were all the manifestations of the trouble.

 

Duke pulled out his gun andreached for the door. “How do you want to play this?”

 

“Take ‘em down,” Nathan replied pulling out his own gun.

 

The first few fell easily but the remaining three were adapting to the situation. They fled inside the abandoned house with Nathan and Duke hot on their heels.As each room was cleared, it became obvious the manifestations were hiding.

 

Nathan nodded his head towards a door. “Basement.”

 

He slowly opened the door and descended the stairs, Duke covering his back. Nathan felt like they were walking into an ambush. He could practically hear his heart beating in his chest. Part of him was cursing himself for giving their Kevlar vests to Rebecca. He knew she needed them more than they did. She would never have been able to get those kids she was evacuating to safety without those vests but he still would feel better if he was wearing one right now.

 

The minute his foot hit the basement floor he heard movement to his left. He turned and fired, taking down one of the last three left. He and Duke scanned the basement. There weren’t many places to hide; but with only one window it was dark and full of shadows. They stood back to back slowly circling the basement in search of the last two.

 

A box moved and Duke fired, emptying his gun into the robber. Sighing with premature relief he tossed his gun aside. “Last one is yours...”

 

Nathan nodded and turned around once more trying to work out where the last robber could be hiding. Duke saw him before Nathan did and lunged forward to tackle him without thinking. They struggled with the gun while Nathan tried to get a shot off without hitting Duke. It was proving to be impossible so he lowered his gun and moved to help Duke. He closed the distance between them just as a shot rang out. Nathan raised his gun and fired, hitting the robber mere seconds before he fell to the ground.

 

Duke pushed the body off of him and looked over at Nathan. Blood was beginning to seep through his shirt spreading across his abdomen.

 

“Nathan! You’re hit! Stay down!” He screamed as he watched Nathan struggle to get up.

 

Nathen looked down in surprise at the blood soaking his shirt. “I don’t feel it.”

 

“No shit, tough guy. We have to get pressure on that,” he said running across the basement and kneeling next to Nathan.

 

Without thinking he pressed his palm down on Nathan’s wound. All too quickly he realized his mistake. He felt the rush and the look on Nathan’s face told him his eyes just went silver. He pulled back quickly and watched as the blood was absorbed into his hand.

 

“God, Nate...I’m sorry!” Duke sputtered.

 

“My jacket...use my jacket as a barrier. Call Laverne and get an ambulance out here.” Nathan told him, his voice calmer than it should have been considering the blood seeping out of him.

 

Duke gently pulled the jacket from Nathan’s shoulders trying to keep him as still as possible to avoid further injury. He pressed it over the injury, reached for the police radio on Nathan’s hip and pressed the button.“Laverne, we need an ambulance out on Marston Road...”

 

Laverne cut in before he finished his sentence. “Crocker, you can’t order an ambulance you know.”

 

“Nathan’s been hit, Laverne. Trust me I have no delusions that I’m police officer.”

 

“Sugar, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize...but I have bad news...we can’t get an ambulance out there just yet. There is an all out fire fight near you. The roads are all blocked. I’ll get a cruiser out there as soon as possible. Can you hang in there?”

 

“Doesn’t look like I have much of a choice now does it?” Duke snapped.

 

“I’m sorry, sugar,” Laverne said again.

 

Duke put the radio down and pressed harder on Nathan’s wound. The jacket seemed to be working to keep the blood from triggering his trouble. He tried to keep the worry out of his face but it was proving difficult. Nathan didn’t have much time and the thought of losing him was making him nauseas. He kept his eyes focused on the jacket, making sure the blood wasn’t seeping through. Nathan stared at him trying to work out what was going on in his head. Duke never worried like this. He was always so sure of himself and nothing ever seemed to bother him. He also knew Duke had been in worse situations than this. What was different now?

 

“Duke, its going to be ok. Audrey will solve this and Dwight will get an ambulance out here,” Nathan said reaching up to grasp Duke’s arm, his voice still calm and steady in spite of his injuries.

 

Duke chuckled weakly. “Shouldn’t I be saying that to you? How are you doing?”

 

“Still can’t feel anything. Oddly enough, getting shot didn’t change that.”

 

His sarcasm wasn't lost on Duke. “Shut up. You know what I mean.”

 

Duke shifted trying to put more pressure on Nathan’s wound. “Why couldn’t the troubled kid be a cute little girl having a tea party with her stuffed animals?”

 

Nathen laughed. “Because teddy bears and unicorns all over Haven would be better?”

 

“At least they wouldn’t be shooting at us! Shit!” Duke cursed pulling his hands back again. “This isn’t working. I don’t know how long I can keep setting off my trouble before I lose control and hurt you!”

 

“You’re not going to hurt me. I’ll hold it as best I can while you check for anything down here that can help. You can even check the rest of the house, I’ll be fine,” Nathan said trying to position his hands on his wound and failing.

 

Duke took his hands and set them in place. “I’ll look around down here but I’m not leaving you. Who knows if any more of those guys will show up.Until this trouble is solved I am not leaving your side.”

 

“Didn’t know you cared,” Nathan deadpanned.

 

“Seriously, Nate? I’m not that much of an asshole. I do care,” Duke shouted from across the basement. He tossed around the few boxes lining the wall and couldn’t find a single thing that would help them.

 

He walked back to Nathan and stripped off his own shirt and placed it over the blood soaked jacket. “Do not say a word.”

 

Nathan tried to smile. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

 

Duke’s cell phone vibrated and he dug into his pocket to get it. Seeing it was Dwight he picked up. “Dwight, we need help out here. Nathan is in bad shape.”

 

“Duke, we’re trying. Audrey just called in and she’s making progress. We have casualties all over town. The roads are still full of armed cops and robbers. We can’t get to you right now. Just hang on a little longer and we’ll be able to get a cruiser out to you. We’re doing everything we can.”

 

“It’s not enough!” Duke said trying to keep the panic out of his voice.

 

“I know. Believe me I know, ” Dwight sighed.

 

Duke tried to calm down but he couldn’t. He felt the rush again and knew Nathan was bleeding out. He jumped up and started pacing.

 

“I can’t stop the bleeding. Every time I try I set off my trouble. I feel myself losing control more and more each time. If you don’t get help out here soon Nathan is going to die.”

 

He knew he sounded frantic and frankly he didn’t care. He saw Nathan dead once and he did not want to see it again.

 

“Duke, he’s not going to die. Audrey will fix this. I’ll call as soon as she does. Just keep it together until we get there.” Dwight hung up before Duke could say anything else. Duke slumped down a few feet away from Nathan and leaned back against the wall.

 

Nathan reached a hand out to try to touch Duke. “I know you’re doing your best. Please stop worrying. It doesn’t hurt...”

 

“Just because it doesn’t hurt doesn’t mean everything is going to be okay,” Duke said through gritted teeth.

 

They sat in silence for a little while. Duke was lost in his own thoughts and he didn’t hear Nathan’s breathing change. Nathan knew he was getting worse. He knew he didn’t have much time and unless Audrey came through very soon he was going to die.

 

“Talk to me...” he practically whispered.

 

His soft voice shook Duke from his thoughts. “Nathan?”

 

“I can’t feel anything and with you sitting over there I can’t see you. I feel like I’m floating in nothingness. Just talk to me, yell at me, make fun of me...anything. I don’t want to die like this,” Nathan said with more emotion than Duke had ever heard from him.

 

Adjusting himself, he placed Nathan’s head on his legs so Nathan could see him. Duke took a deep breath. “What do you want to talk about?”

 

“I don’t care. I just can’t stand the silence.”

 

Duke looked down at Nathan. He was so pale, his eyes glassy. His body was reacting to his injuries even if he couldn’t physically feel it. Duke’s voice caught as he spoke, “Nate...this isn’t how I expected things to end. Truth be told I expected to be the one dying at your feet. I don’t think I can do this again. It nearly broke me last time.”

 

“I was never really going to kill you, Duke. I got this damned tattoo to help Audrey and to some extent you. I wanted to find out why someone with this tattoo would want to kill you. Well, aside from the reasons most people want to kill you. It was stupid and I don’t want to die with you thinking I wanted you dead. If I survive this I’m getting rid of it.”

 

Nathan drew a ragged breath and he knew his time was almost up. He looked up at Duke again and saw something he hadn’t seen in his friend’s eyes since they were kids...tears. Duke was crying over him? He tried to work out what that was about but his brain was going fuzzy. His eyelids started closing and he struggled to keep them open.

 

“No...you don’t get to die yet. I have to tell you something. I have to come clean before you go. I won’t let you die without knowing...” Duke spoke quietly holding Nathan closer even though he couldn’t feel it. “You are my best friend, the one person I will always come through for. I know I’m not a good man. I know I’ve screwed up...the tacks, the teasing, the lying, the smuggling, hell even the parking tickets...so much more that I know I’m forgetting. I did it all to make you notice me...”

 

Nathan interrupted him. “Notice you? I don’t understand...”

 

“Nate...we were friends once...best friends...but we grew up. Things changed. I wanted more but I couldn’t figure out a scenario where I told you and it didn’t end with you punching me. So, I kept screwing up so you would have to arrest me or ticket me or yell at me...just so you would look at me. Even now when I only have a few minutes left I can barely get the words out.” Duke rubbed the back of his neck, took a deep breath and just blurted out, “Damnit Nathan, I love you. I’ve loved you since high school.”

 

The confusion left Nathan’s face. He reached up and pulled Duke’s jaw so he was looking at Nathan again. He wanted to say something to ease his pain but nothing seemed enough. He gathered his remaining energy and spoke, “I’m sorry you’ve had to carry this around for so long. But please know what I’ve always known even if I didn’t say it. Duke Crocker, you are a good man.”

 

Duke watched helplessly as Nathan drew his last breath. He watched his tears fall on his friend’s face and felt the scream forming in his throat. “Nathan!” He pulled the body closer and let the sobs overtake him. He didn’t know how long he sat there holding Nathan’s lifeless body but it seemed like hours. He was vaguely aware of his phone vibrating next to him. It was Dwight. He knew he had to pick it up. He reached down and brought the phone to his ear.

 

“Duke, Audrey fixed it. We’re almost there...” Dwight started but Duke didn’t let him finish.

 

“He’s dead.”He hit the end button and let the phone fall to the ground.

 

Dwight slammed on his brakes and started to turn his truck around.

 

Audrey grabbed his arm. “What are you doing? We have to get to Nathan!”

 

Dwight barely glanced at her. “Change of plans.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I couldn’t wait to post the next chapter. I’m a big fan of cliffhangers but I also know how anxious they make me when I read so without further ado here is chapter two! I hope you enjoy!

Duke sat waiting for Dwight to show up but what did it matter, really? Nathan was dead and Duke hadn’t been able to save him. That’s what was going through Duke’s mind anyway. He just stared at the lifeless body beside him trying to work out why he told Nathan all those things. It’s not like he expected it to change anything. Telling Nathan he loved him wasn’t going to miraculously heal the bullet wound in his abdomen. Nathan’s reply to his deathbed confession just kept replaying in Duke’s head. Nathan acknowledged what Duke had said. He understood and even went as far as to say Duke was a good man but he stopped short of letting him know if the feelings were mutual. Who was he kidding? Did he honestly think Nathan felt the same way about him? Nathan was very much in love with Audrey and nothing in his past ever pointed to Nathan having any interest in men. Duke took a deep breath and stole another glance at Nathan’s body. He could feel the grief welling up inside him again. It didn’t matter if Nathan felt anything for him. He was dead.

 

Minutes later Duke heard shouting from upstairs and he reached for Nathan’s gun. As the voices got closer he thought he recognized them. It sounded like Dwight and Audrey but there was also another voice. A female voice who seemed to be very angry.

 

“Get out of my way, Dwight! We’re almost out of time! Duke? Duke, where are you?”

 

“Basement!” He shouted answering the voice he couldn’t quite place but knew he should recognize. Duke heard the basement door being practically torn off it’s hinges and before he could even focus he saw a young woman run down the stairs toward him. She stopped in front of Nathan and dropped to her knees to place her hand on his forehead. Duke’s eyes went wild when he recognized her. “Noelle?”

 

She looked up at him and saw the grief and confusion written all over his face. She managed a weak smile hoping to reassure him. “Dwight got me after he talked to you. Nobody but the four of us knows Nathan died...” She started to explain but she doubled over with the pain of taking on Nathan’s injury. Audrey rushed to her side and helped her sit down until the pain subsided.

 

Duke backed away and watched in disbelief as Nathan came back to life for the second time.

 

Nathan took a deep breath and frantically looked around. Before he had a chance to speak Audrey pulled him into a hug. “Thank God you’re okay!” She helped him to his feet and looked him over to make sure he was truly okay.

 

Nathan smiled at her. “I’m okay.”

 

He turned and found Duke leaning against the wall looking stunned. Slowly, he walked until he was standing in front of him. Without thinking Duke threw his arms around Nathan. “Don’t ever do that to me again!”

 

Nathan gasped and pushed Duke away. He stood there shaking, eyes wild with confusion.

 

“Nathan, I didn’t mean...” Duke started to speak but Nathan cut him off.

 

“I-I can feel you,” he stammered.

 

“What? How? Are you sure?” Duke stared in disbelief.

 

Nathan reached a tentative hand out to touch Duke’s shoulder. He pulled his hand away as though it was on fire. “I’m sure. I can feel again. And you’re freezing!”

 

Dwight shrugged off his jacket and handed it to Duke. “Don’t need you getting hypothermia.”

 

Audrey turned to Noelle. “Has your trouble changed? Does it take away a person’s trouble now?”

 

Noelle shook her head. “I don’t think so. I haven’t used it since I brought my boyfriend back the day Nathan and I died. Moira hasn’t used it either. This has to be something else.”

 

“We need to figure this out. If the troubles are going away and you’re still here, Audrey, maybe you won’t have to go away again,” Dwight said hopefully.

 

Audrey shook her head. “If the troubles were gone Noelle wouldn’t have been able to bring Nathan back. This is something else. Duke, you need to tell me exactly what happened. How did Nathan get hurt?”

 

Duke was still staring at Nathan feeling elated that he was alive again. All he wanted to do was throw his arms around him and never let go. He wasn’t sure Nathan would appreciate that so he turned and answered Audrey, “One of the ‘robbers’ shot him.”

 

“That’s it? Nothing else happened?” Dwight prodded.

 

Duke started to shake his head but suddenly he stopped and looked up to meet Nathan’s eyes. He felt sick to his stomach when he realized what had happened. He couldn’t breathe. He had to get out of there. “I need some air. I’ll be right back.” Before anyone could stop him he was running up the stairs and out of the house.

 

Once out in the fresh air he started taking deep breaths trying to find his center and calm himself. It wasn’t working. He needed to leave, he needed to get somewhere he felt safe to try to deal with what he had done. “Damn!” He swore quietly, realizing Nathan drove. He quickly strode over to the Bronco and looked to see the keys still in the ignition. Without a second thought he got into the truck and drove towards the marina. He needed to go home.

 

Back in the basement Audrey was trying to work out why Nathan’strouble was gone. “What just happened, Nathan? Does Duke know why your trouble is gone? What exactly went on down here?”

 

Nathan sighed, “I have a good idea and if I’m right Duke is feeling very guilty right now. I need to go talk to him.”

 

Audrey shook her head. “Not until you explain it to us. Spill, I want to know everything.”

 

Knowing she wasn’t going to let him leave without an explanation Nathan started talking, “We came out here to contain some of the cops and robbers. Reports said there were only three but it ended up being close to ten. We took down most of them easily but three ran down here to hide. I got one and Duke got one but I didn’t see the third one until Duke tackled him. They struggled with the gun and it went off. Before I hit the ground I shot the robber. I’m guessing Duke’s hand was on the gun when it went off...”

 

“So, in essence he killed you.” Dwight finished quietly.

 

“I don't understand. Doesn’t there have to be intent? And doesn’t he have to be touching you when you die for his curse to work?” Noelle asked clearly confused.

 

“There doesn’t have to be intent. Kyle Hopkins impaled himself on the knife Duke was holding and his curse died with him. I don’t think the touching part is necessary either. Duke just has to absorb troubled blood before the person dies. Which he did trying to stop the bleeding,” Nathan explained.

 

“We can’t let anyone know about this,” Noelle said softly.

 

“I agree. If the guard found out about this they would try to force Duke and Noelle to take away everyone’s troubles,” Dwight said gravely.

 

Audrey looked at Dwight and took a deep breath, “Would that be such a bad thing? Think of the people we could save...”

 

“No...NO! We are not asking Duke to kill people. How can you even contemplate that? You weren’t here. You didn’t see what he went through trying to save me. Do you realize he had to let me bleed out because every time he touched my blood his trouble went off? He was afraid he would lose control and kill me outright. Were you even paying attention to the look on his face when he realized what happened? When he realized he actually killed me? And what about the blood addiction? How much troubled blood do you think he can absorb before he’s so addicted he can’t live without it? You should know better than anyone the damage we could cause if we even asked him to do this. His trouble really is a curse. We could turn him into a monster. Are you really willing to take that risk?” Nathan raged at her.

 

Dwight cleared his throat. “Audrey, I’m with Nathan on this. I usually agree the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few but this is taking that a little too far. We can’t use Duke and Noelle like this. It’s too much to put on their shoulders.”

 

Audrey stared at Dwight for a minute not commenting on his objection. Instead she turned back to Nathan and continued to argue.“But Nathan, he wouldn’t really be killing these people. It would only be temporary. We could be there to help him manage the guilt. We need to seriously consider this. The Crocker Curse was made for a reason. Why not make it a good reason?”

 

“How many troubled people do you think are in Haven? No Crocker has ever taken as many troubles as you are proposing. And what about Noelle? How much do you think her body is going to take? What happens if one day she can‘t resurrect someone? Can you imagine the guilt for both of them if they can’t bring someone back? Or what happens if one of them dies doing this? If their bodies just give out what happens then? Do we just use Moira until she dies? Or activate one of Duke’s brothers? You do realize they are called troubles for a reason, right? They should only be used as a last resort. Otherwise they would be called gifts! I know you’re trying to find a way to end the troubles but trust me...this isn’t it.” Nathan felt his body shaking with rage. He hadn’t gotten this angry in a very long time.

 

“Okay, Nathan, you’re right. It’s a bad idea. We’re just running out of time before I disappear again. I know I’m grasping at straws trying to fix everything. I’m sorry,” Audrey said reaching to put her hand on his arm.

 

Nathan leaned into her and tried to let her touch calm his anger. “I need to find Duke. He should have been back by now.”

 

They all left the basement and headed outside. Nathan groaned when he looked across the street where he had parked the Bronco. It was gone and so was Duke.

 

“He stole your truck?” Dwight asked shaking his head with a hint of amusement.

 

Nathan just shook his head. “Can you drop me at the Rouge? I’m sure that’s where he went.”

 

“I’ll drive you once we get my car from the station. I need to go home anyway. I’m exhausted and Dwight is going to need to get Noelle out of Haven before anyone sees her,” Audrey suggested.

 

Nathan turned to Noelle and pulled her away from the others. “Thank you. I don’t know why you were willing to do this but I’m glad you did. I owe you more than I can ever repay. I want you to know I meant what I said to Audrey, I won’t let anyone use you like that. I know it may seem hypocritical since you brought me back but Duke killing me was an accident, a huge mistake that you graciously fixed. It wasn’t done to get rid of my trouble. You and Moira will be safe from the Guard and the troubled of Haven, I promise.”

 

Noelle tentatively reached out to take hold of Nathan’s hand. “Thank you for sticking up for me and Moira and Duke, too. I want the troubles gone but there are so many things that could go wrong with Audrey’s idea. It could make a bigger mess than we already have. As for why I agreed to bring you back that’s easy to answer. You were kind to me when Moira caused all that trouble. You also didn’t arrest Moira for killing those people when you could have. You didn’t deserve to die then and you didn’t deserve to die now. You do so much for this town. You care so much about the troubled. All you just said inside is a testament to that. You deserve to live a long life and I’m glad I’m able to help with that. Just try not to get shot again...I’ve already got enough bullet wounds. Kinda makes it rough to wear a bikini.”

 

Nathan managed a small chuckle when he noticed the laughter in her eyes. He reached out and pulled her into an embrace. “Thank you.”

 

“Okay, let’s get this show on the road. You need to get to Duke before he does something stupid,’ Dwight said starting his truck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See...I fixed it...I love Nathan too much too have really killed him off :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the final chapter! I hope everyone enjoys!

Once in Audrey’s car Nathan started fidgeting. Everything was new, exciting and overwhelming at the same time. Audrey glanced at him and smiled. “Is it everything you remembered?”

 

“And so much more,” Nathan replied. He turned toward the window reveling in the feel of the wind in his hair and the warmth of the sun on his face. His expression suddenly turned serious. His emotions were all over the place. He was elated to have his trouble gone, guilty for how it happened, and confused about his last conversation with Duke. What was he going to say to him. How was he going to navigate this? He didn’t have any experience with people professing their love for him and frankly it scared him. He ran his hand through his hair. Marveling at the feel of it. Was his hair always this soft? Losing his trouble was very distracting. He shook his head trying to refocus.

 

Audrey noticed the change in Nathan’s demeanor. “What’s wrong? There’s something going that you aren’t telling me. Did something else happen in that basement?”

 

Nathan glanced at her. “What do you mean?”

 

“You’re in such a rush to get to Duke. I get it that you want to make sure he’s okay but you’re acting very strange. And it’s not just because you can feel again. Something is off...I can tell. What’s wrong? I’ve got some killer investigative skills you know,” she joked trying to lighten the mood.

 

“There may have been a deathbed confession that I wasn’t totally prepared to hear. And I may not have handled it well. I’m trying to work it out before I get to the Rouge,” Nathan said squinting up at her.

 

Audrey looked at him, her eyebrows knitted in confusion. “Um, isn’t the person dying supposed to be doing the confessing? What did Duke say to you?”

 

Nathan just shook his head. He didn’t think he was prepared to tell Audrey what Duke had said. Their relationship, if you could call it that, was fragile enough. Hearing that Duke was in love with him wasn’t going to help. And she was supposed to disappear in less that two weeks. Besides, he didn’t even know how he was going to respond to what Duke said. How could he explain it to Audrey if he didn’t understand it himself?Duke loved him. Not in the drunk ‘I love you, man’ kind of way. He loved him in the way that Nathan thought he loved Audrey. God, this was unbelievably overwhelming. Audrey slowly pulled her car to the side of the road and turned off the engine.

 

“What’s going on, Nathan? You can tell me. Maybe I can help.”

 

Nathan turned to look at her. “He told me he loves me.”

 

Audrey’s eyes grew wide. “Well, that’s not what I was expecting but okay. And how do you feel about that?”

 

“How do I feel? That’s kind of ironic isn’t it? I don’t know. This is out of the blue. I had no idea...” Nathan replied rubbing his forehead. Great, he was getting a headache.

 

“Really? No idea at all? You’ve known Duke for close to thirty years and you didn’t have a clue? I find that hard to believe. Look, it’s simple do you have feelings for Duke? Do you even like men?” Audrey asked.

 

Nathan looked at her trying to formulate a reply. “Okay first off, I’m clueless about these things. Always have been. Even without all your killer investigative skills I’m sure you’ve noticed that. And second, what about us?”

 

Audrey smiled sadly. “Is there an ‘us’? We’ve been dancing around each other for months and now I think I understand why. I’m not upset Nathan. If you have feelings for Duke that’s okay. If we can’t figure out this Hunter Moon thing I may not even be here in two weeks. I don’t want you to give up a chance to be happy because of me. Don’t get me wrong I have feelings for you...I might even love you but that may not be enough to keep me here. But let’s get back to my main question. Do you like men? Because if you don’t...”

 

Nathan shrugged rubbing his head trying to ease the headache this conversation was causing. “Never thought about it. So, I guess that’s a no? Maybe? I don’t know.”

 

“Nathan, do you want my advice?” Audrey asked.

 

“Yes, please. I’m at a loss here,” Nathan answered softly.

 

“Talk to him. Reassure him about this whole resurrection thing. Then listen to him and see how you feel. I’m not going to stand in your way. I want you to be happy, that’s all I ever wanted for you. If Duke can make you happy then that’s all that matters. I will always be here for you...for both of you,” Audrey said squeezing his hand.

 

Nathan just nodded not trusting himself to speak. He let go of her hand so she could start the car and head towards the marina.

 

Audrey pulled into the marina and parked next to Nathan’s bronco. “Do you need me to wait here? Or come with you?”

 

Nathan frowned at her. “No. This is something I have to do myself. I’ll be fine. What’s the worst that could happen?”

 

“You could end up punching each other.” Audrey pointed out.

 

“Wouldn’t be the first time,” Nathan deadpanned.

 

Audrey gave him a look. “Seriously, Nathan are you going to be okay?”

 

Nathan sighed reaching for the door handle. “I’m not going to punch him, Parker. Trust me.”

 

He got out of her car and watched her pull away. He walked to the Cape Rouge still trying to figure out what he was going to say to Duke. He meant what he said to Audrey, he was clueless about matters of the heart. If he really thought about it he was sure there were clues to Duke’s feelings but he spent so much time being angrythat he probably overlooked them. Truth be told he probably would have chalked any hints up to Duke just pushing his buttons to see what Nathan would do. Not knowing when to back off was one of Duke’s more annoying traits. He stopped next to the Cape Rouge and looked onto the deck. Duke was sitting with his back to Nathan just staring out into the ocean. He cautiously climbed aboard hoping he wasn’t going to screw this up.

 

He sat down next to Duke. “Hey.”

 

Duke looked over at him bringing a glass of alcohol, most likely scotch, to his lips. His eyes were red and glossy. From crying or the alcohol Nathan didn’t know. “Sorry for taking the Bronco.”

 

Nathan waved him off. “Not a problem.”

 

“Drink?” He asked picking up a second glass he must’ve had next to him. Did he anticipate Nathan coming to see him?

 

Nathan nodded and held the glass while Duke poured. He drank it down quickly and took a deep breath before speaking, “I think we left a lot of things unfinished back in that basement.”

 

“Nathan...” Duke began his voice deep and weary.

 

“No, let me talk. You know it was an accident, right? And you know I’m not mad. In fact I probably should be thanking you..”

 

“Thank me? Why would you thank me? I killed you,” he whispered still not looking at Nathan.

 

“You cured my trouble. You gave me my life back...”

 

Duke shook his head. “No. I didn’t give you your life back. Noelle did that. I took it from you. I was reckless and...”

 

Nathan put his hand on Duke’s shoulder and squeezed. For the first time in years he could feel what he was doing. He didn’t have to worry if he was squeezing to hard. “Stop. Just stop. I know you’re feeling guilty but there is nothing to feel guilty about. My trouble is gone and I’m alive. We need to move on.”

 

“Move on? Okay, fine you said your peace. You’ve forgiven me. How about you go back to Audrey now and leave me to my alcohol?” Duke snapped getting up and heading below deck.

 

Nathan blinked in confusion. What had just happened? What did he say? He knew he was going to screw this up. He jumped up and followed Duke. He made it below deck just as Duke was closing the door. “Wait...Duke...I...”

 

Duke sighed and pushed the door open. “You what? What else is there to possibly say, Nathan? You said want to move on and forget what happened? That’s fine with me. Just leave me alone for a few days and then we can get back to pissing each other off while saving Haven from yet another fucked up trouble.”

 

Nathan grabbed the front of Duke’s shirt to stop him from turning away again. “Don’t put words in my mouth. I know I don’t express myself as well as you do but I know I didn’t say anything about forgetting. Can I come in and try to figure this out? It’s kinda cold out here.”

 

Duke put up his hands in defeat and moved to the side to let Nathan in. He pulled the door closed and bolted it. “Are you hungry?”

 

“Actually, yes. I’m starving,” Nathan answered.

 

“Okay, look I know it’s been a crazy shitty day for both of us. So, why don’t you go take a shower and I’ll make us something to eat. And then if you want to talk we can,” Duke offered waving a hand at Nathan’s blood stained shirt.

 

“Clothes?” Nathan asked.

 

Duke rolled his eyes. “I thought I’d make you eat dinner naked. Really, Nathan? I’ll get you something to wear. You do remember where the bathroom is, don’t you?”

 

Nathan nodded sheepishly. God, he really was an idiot sometimes.

He walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower. He adjusted the temperature and stripped out of his bloody clothes, leaving them in a heap on the floor. He sighed with pleasure when he got under the spray. He just stood there letting the water massage his sore muscles. A hot shower was one of the many things he missed when his trouble had come back. He washed the dried blood from his hands and body. He was a little freaked about the new, yet completely healed bullet hole in his abdomen. He wanted to stay under the hot spray forever but his stomach growled reminding him that he hadn’t eaten anything all day. Another sensation he’d have to get used to again. Reluctantly, he finished washing his hair and reached to turn off the water.

 

Duke stood outside the bathroom door with clean clothes for Nathan. His heart was practically beating out of his chest. What was going on here? He fully expected Nathan to come get his Bronco and try to convince him that it wasn’t his fault for shooting him. Maybe even gently, or not so gently, remind him that he loved Audrey. All of which he could have dealt with.But this? Nathan in his shower? Nathan wanting to talk? Nope. Not ready to deal with that. He set the clothes outside the door and went back to cooking dinner and possibly getting very drunk.

 

Duke looked up when Nathan came into the kitchen. His heart stopped. The sight of Nathan wearing his clothes, hair still dripping from the shower was almost too much. Why was he doing this to himself? Why hadn’t he just pushed Nathan out the door and drowned his pain in a bottle of expensive scotch.

 

“Go sit. Dinner’s almost ready. Beer?” Duke asked opening his fridge.

 

Nathan shook his head. “No. I don’t want to get drunk. Not when I’ll actually feel the hangover tomorrow. Water is fine.” He wanted to be sober when he had this conversation with Duke. He wanted to be sure there weren’t any more misunderstandings. Though he was sure he was going to regret his decision.

 

Duke raised an eyebrow and put the drink he was holding on the counter. He walked over and set two plates of beef stroganoff on the table and went back for two glasses of water. Nathan was already eating when he sat down.

 

“This is amazing! You made this while I was in the shower?” Nathan asked incredulously.

 

Duke smiled. “Glad you like it. No, I just reheated it. It’s a new dish I made yesterday...was thinking of putting it on the menu at the Gull.”

 

“You should,” Nathan said taking a drink.

 

They finished the meal in silence. Neither of them knowing what to say next. Nathan put his fork down on his empty plate and got up from the table. He took his and Duke’s dishes and set them in the sink. Taking a deep breath he turned and looked at Duke. “I’m no good at any of this. I don’t know what to say to you. Audrey said I should talk to you but...”

 

“You told Audrey? Of course you did. Look Nathan just forget what I said okay? You were dying in my arms and I had to get it all off my chest. I’d been holding it in for the past twenty years and seeing the life drain out of you just broke me. I’m sorry. Go tell Audrey everything is fine. We won’t ever mention it again. You can go live your life and as soon as the troubles are gone I’ll pull up anchor and leave Haven for good this time,” Duke said getting up and turning away from Nathan.

 

“God, Duke! Will you just shut up and let me try to figure out what I want to say? You’ve been telling me what I want or don’t want since we were kids. It’s getting a little old. I said I’m no good at this and you of all people should know that. I seem to recall a whole lot of laughing on your part when you found out _Hannah_ was the one to suggest having sex during the meteor shower on prom night and not me. Obviously, I’ve been oblivious to the fact that for the past twenty years you’ve been in love with me. Either that or you are one hell of a liar. What am I supposed to do with this information?” Nathan shouted.

 

“Nothing! You don’t have feelings for me, that much is clear. You love Audrey and she loves you. I don’t fit into that picture!” Duke shouted back.

 

“Stop bringing up Audrey. And stop telling me I don't have feelings for you! How can you know what I want when I don’t even know what I want?”Nathan moved away from the sink and closed the distance between him and Duke.

 

Duke shook his head sadly, his voice breaking when he spoke, “Nate, you don’t want me. You don’t want a man who is broken like I am. Hell, you don’t want a man, period. I was a fool who spilled his guts to the man he’s loved for twenty years because I wanted you to hear it before you died. I wanted you to know how much you meant to me. I wanted you to see what was underneath all the crappy shit I did to you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry...”

 

Nathan moved even closer to Duke, staring him down as he moved. He came to a stop when he was directly in front of Duke and reached his hand up to touch his face. He was watching Duke so intently that he noticed him flinch ever so slightly and that made him feel a little sick. Did Duke think he was going to hit him? Given their past it was plausible but not tonight. Not after everything that happened and everything they both said. Nathan was confused but nothing would be gained by punching Duke. He was feeling things he hadn’t felt for a very long time and he wanted to explore them. His heart was practically beating out of his chest and he could feel his arousal building. Before he lost his nerve he brushed his lips softly over Duke’s. When Duke didn’t react he did it again lingering a moment to enjoy the sensation before pulling away. He was sure Duke’s stunned expression mirrored his own. He wanted to say something to relieve the tension, something that would let Duke know he was willing to try this. Before he could speak, Duke leaned in and kissed him. The kiss was slow, soft and tender nothing Nathan expected and definitely nothing he had felt before. Duke deepened the kiss and it was amazing. Nathan was sure he never wanted it to end.When he pulled back he was breathless. He looked into Duke’s eyes and practically whispered, “Don’t tell me I don’t want this.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that’s the end! I hope all questions were answered! If not shoot me a comment and I’ll be happy to discuss!
> 
> More Haven fics are in the works…hope you’ll read those too


End file.
